Self Conscious Shopper

I really don’t mind Christmas Shopping. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either.

Every year, I swear that I will start early and be done before Thanksgiving. I even made a pact with a co-worker this year that we would both start by September first.

Nicely done Jane!

I failed. It’s mid-December and I’m no where near finished shopping. Am I worried? No. Am I stressed? No.

I guess I’ve adopted a laissez faire attitude about it all. Whatever…the gifts I don’t find will magically transform themselves into gift cards (which most people probably prefer anyway!)

My son and I hit the Yankee Candle store last weekend (“buy 2, get 2 free, coupon” in hand, oh yeaah). After intoxicating ourselves with the scents of numerous candles, we debated over our favorites and checked out.

As we left the store, a nicely-dressed man in his twenties, standing in the opening of the adjoining store, handed me a sample of something.

As a long-time frequenter of fairs and carnivals, I’ve mastered the art of ignoring mid-way squawkers.

I half-turned and said, “Thanks,’ as I took the offering.

“Do you even know what I just handed you?” I heard from behind me.

My response: “Nope.”

Enter salesman. Albeit, not a very bright one!

To paraphrase, ‘It’s a wonderful hand lotion,’ dramatic pause…long, look into my eyes…

(ok, not like a Nicholas Sparks, ‘I’ve just met my soul-mate’ kind of look. More like 3.2 seconds)

Anyway, he then asked what kind of eye cream I use.

My answer: “None.”

Seconds later, I’m sitting in his chair and giving my son the, let’s humor him look.

Einstein squeezed lotion on the webbing between his thumb and index finger and started dabbing it under one of my eyes. To my son he says something to the effect of, ‘You will be the judge.’

While massaging the lotion ever so gently beneath my eye (which felt quite nice actually) he explained how this lotion would remove the fine lines and puffiness under my eyes. SCREECH…did you hear the brakes on that sales pitch?

Really dude? Did you just point out my fine lines and puffy eyes and think I was going to bust out my fine credit cards and puffy wallet to buy hundreds of dollars of your product?

As salesman of the year finished his handiwork, he turned me toward my 14 year-old son (who, by the way, wouldn’t compliment Queen Elizabeth under the duress of Scotland Yard guards). He asked him, “What do you think?”

The look on my son’s face became one of my greatest Christmas presents ever! He was completely perplexed as to how to answer without hurting anyone’s feelings. I could see his, and feel my, giggles bubbling.

I bailed him out. I politely thanked the salesman and told him that I was shopping for others but if I ever needed any “product” I would definitely ask for him.

Yeah, that’ll happen.

Lucky for me there was no immediate, dramatic transformation. How awkward would it have been to continue shopping with only one wrinkle-free, luminous eye?!?

Sorry, I do not have a yummy recipe to share with you today, as I spent the rest of the afternoon scanning the myriad facial creams, lotions and potions in an attempt to recapture my youthful radiance.

Lotions and Potions

This may take a while…
JUST CURIOUS: What must haves are on your snowstorm shopping list?
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11 thoughts on “Self Conscious Shopper

  1. You my dear, are your very own Reality show! Love it!!! I have the Infamous Italian dark circles too..No puffiness, (that may help with the crows feet that are there I am thinking..Maybe not.)….Soo good luck with that! Get a really good concealer and use Purpose lotion every stinking day of your life! That is it! (Why am I giving you advice when you look 10 years younger than I anyways!)…*sigh* Off to mall to find someone to rub my eyes…..

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